CHAPTER 9
‘When Kate asked me to say a few words about Alex at this memorial service I have to admit I became very nervous. I wasn’t sure I would be able to say what I really felt without messing it up or more importantly letting him down, but I never thought of saying no because Alex would never let me,’ Rachel looked up at the warm faces in front of her.
‘I was thrilled when Rachel and Dan asked me, before Alex was born to be godmother to their child. I have to say I felt very touched that they felt I could be bestowed with the awesome responsibility of helping to bring him up with their virtues and beliefs should anything ever happen.’ She paused, not knowing how people would take this.
‘Little did we know at the time that we would be here today saying goodbye to Alex only eight short years after he came into this world. But what a ride he gave us all in those eight years.’ She looked up and smiled through her tears.
‘Alex allowed me to be myself when I was around him. I didn’t have to pretend to be interesting and intelligent or worry if I was making the right impression. Alex loved me for being me. Just as he did with everyone else. You could never fain an emotion with Alex. It was like he had a sixth sense about these things. If you tried to tell him you were ok even when you were having a shitty day he would tell you to ‘tell me the truth or I’ll tickle it out of you’ You couldn’t help but smile at his intuitiveness which to be honest if I had half of it I wouldn’t make as many lousy decisions as I do.’ She smirked to herself before continuing.
‘Alex reminded me how important it is to keep in touch with that inner child we all have, to always be truthful in your dealings with people because they can see through you even if you can’t and above all else do everything in life with enthusiasm and to the best of your ability. That’s some legacy for an eight year old to leave behind and, I for one am going to remember to keep in touch with my inner Alex whenever things become too hard to handle. And when I do that I will laugh and remember not to take myself too seriously just like Alex wouldn’t.’ Rachel wiped a stray tear and continued.
‘I miss my godchild every single day. Just as you all do here. I’m not going to stand here and pretend that I can see sense coming out of this horrible situation but I will say that even though it is so wrong and awful that he is no longer here with us I wouldn’t change the fact that we got to have him in our lives for the time we did. I know I am a better person for knowing him, I just wish it had been longer because I know he had so much more to teach us all. Alex we miss you. We love you and we will never, ever forget you.’ Rachel raised her head and saw the tears in everyone’s eyes as she left the podium.
Kate stood by her seat as Rachel made her way back down and hugged her close as their tears flowed.
‘Thank you, she whispered, ‘that was perfect.’
Rachel kissed her cheek and took her seat beside Kate as Tim reached the podium.
‘Thank you Rachel,’ Tim’s powerful voice came over the sound system. ‘That was really something. I’m sure Alex the scamp is turning to his Dad right now and saying ‘I told you so, I’m cool!’
Everyone laughed gently through their tears at the image.
‘And now to that dad. My mate Dan. Best man at my wedding, best man pretty much through my whole life.’ He paused. ‘You know I have this whole speech written,’ he held up the pieces of card in his hand. ‘But for some reason it doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t have to write down what Dan means to me.’
He touched his heart with his fisted right hand and took a deep breath trying to compose himself.
‘It’s right here mate.’
‘First off I want to thank Kate for giving me the opportunity to speak about Dan and for organizing this memorial so we all have the opportunity to say our goodbyes to Dan and Alex. I know I haven’t been able to find where to put the feelings I’ve been having and could sure do with any help at all to deal with this mess.’
Kate looked affectionately at Tim and smiled.
‘Dan the man,’ Tim began. ‘Well, I’ve known him since we were nippers. Our folks were friends before we were even a thought in their heads. So luckily for them Dan and I got on like a house on fire and found a mutual love of sports, rugby in particular which bonded us for life I guess.’
Tim rubbed his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger as he thought about what he needed to say next, he didn’t want to mess this up, it was too important.
‘Dan was the most energetic, enthusiastic, generous man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’ve never met anyone who could compare to him. He was a phenomenal guy, one of a kind you might say. I know I don’t come close to having his capacity to take life and run with it. He had an amazing ability to make the best of everything he did.’
Tim looked around the congregation and noted the nodding heads of Dan’s friends and family.
‘He was always a glass half full type of guy. He was the best friend any man could have and an amazing solicitor with the ability to charm any person young or old into doing his biding.’
He smiled and looked down at where Kate sat.
‘Kate your man was certainly one of a kind and when he met you he knew instantly that he had met the woman he was to spend the rest of his life with. He certainly wasted no time making sure you knew that. He never tried to pretend otherwise. He wasn’t afraid to admit you were it for him, no questions asked. I never even said this at your wedding but that first night in Toners when you guys met he asked me to be his best man, and you guys hadn’t even kissed yet!’
Kate laughed.
‘Since Dan & Alex were taken from us everyone I meet says the same thing about him. He was a damn good man and a great friend. He was also a super business partner. I know I’ll never meet anyone again in my life who comes close to being the all rounder that Dan was but like Rachel said before when she talked about Alex, I’m certainly a better man for knowing him and no matter what pain I feel now at his loss I wouldn’t want to erase the last 30 years of friendship in order to not feel it. There’s too many good memories caught up with the pain that’s there and I hope that sometime in the not too distant future I’ll be able to think about Dan and not feel so much sadness and just feel grateful for knowing him. Tim took a deep breath before he continued and raised an imaginary glass in a toast.
‘For now I want to say, Dan, you‘re the best, always were, always will be. Take care mate and look after that incredible son of yours. We’ll look after Kate for you at this end. See you around.’
The congregation stood and applauded as Tim finished speaking. Kate walked towards the podium and embraced Tim. ‘Thank you so much for that Tim,’ she whispered to him.
‘We love you Kate,’ he embraced her and kissed her cheek. ‘You going to be able to do this?’
‘Yes I’ll be okay, thanks,’ she said as she made her way to the microphone.
As people composed themselves and the applause died down Kate coughed to clear her throat trying to compose herself.
‘Thank you for that Rachel and Tim. I really appreciate you’re kind words’. She bent her head and took a moment to think.
‘Where to start?’ Kate smiled sadly as she looked towards the pictures of Dan and Alex on the altar.
‘I guess I’ll start at the beginning.’
She looked down at her parents for encouragement as Jack nodded at her and mouthed ,
‘You can do this,’ back to her.
‘I remember when I first saw Dan. People say they don’t believe in love at first sight and if I’m honest I was amongst that group until the 21st March 1998. He was standing at the bar counter in Toners with Tim, Brendan and Ian. They were such a good-looking bunch of guys that myself and the girls thought all our birthdays had come at once,’ she allowed herself to smile.
‘But Dan was the one I picked out and once he looked in my direction that was it. I was smithen. I think I may have even warned the girls off him, they’ve just always been too polite to bring it up.’ The congregation smiled companionably with Kate.
‘Tim mentioned to me earlier that Dan’s line on that night was “holy shit I’m a gonner”, sorry Marge.’ Kate looked at her Mother-in-law who smiled curtly up at her and bowed her head quickly, embarrassed by the relaxed, almost irreverent manner which Kate was determined to use to describe her life with her son.
‘Many of you here knew Dan and I as a couple so you will understand when I say we ‘fit’ each other. Over the past two weeks since I decided it was time to hold this memorial I’ve tried to think of an appropriate way to describe what we had. And that’s what I came up with,’ Kate smiled, ‘I know you probably would have done a lot better Dan,’ she looked towards his framed picture, the congregation smiled again.
‘Dan made me the happiest woman on this earth, and for those that know me well that’s some feat,’ pausing she looked around the pews at the faces of all her family and friends.
‘As Tim said before, he was an amazing man. He was caring, honest and hard working. Everyone who knew and loved him knew they could depend on him. He had a great sense of humour and an ability to make everyone feel comfortable in his company. Dan brought all of his wonderful qualities into our marriage and made life so fantastic by just being around him. But most of all Dan was an amazing father. Alex was truly the love of his life and I knew I came second but it never occurred to me to care. The moment Dan held Alex in the delivery room he was – to use his own words once again ‘a gonner’. I wept tears of pure joy when I saw them together for the first time. But Dan had a very special role model in his own father Jeremy and had always said how lucky he was that he had a father who he loved so dearly and respected so much. He always knew that how he wanted to bring Alex up was exactly the same as his father had done for him, no exceptions. He loved you dearly Jeremy.’
Kate saw the tears well in Jeremy’s eyes and blew him a kiss.
She took a deep breath before she lifted her head and looked at the picture on the altar of her son. His big smiling face, blond wavy hair and inquisitive brown eyes looking back at her.
‘My son, what can I say?’ the last words caught in her throat as she broke down.
Rose half stood to go to her, Jack grabbed her arm.
‘She’s ok,’ he whispered in her ear and placing his hand in hers squeezed it tight.
Kate raised her head again and this time she smiled.
‘He came from the incredible love Dan and I shared between us. And for eight wonderful years my son Alex held my heart in his hand. He still has it and he always will. I think Rachel summed him up when she spoke so lovingly about him. My son was very lucky to have gotten so many of his Dad’s traits, he may have looked like me but he acted like his Dad, some might say the perfect blend.’
She looked around laughing as she wiped the corners of her eyes where the tears had lodged.
‘The one saving grace I can hold onto through all of this is that he is with his Dad. Alex adored Dan. He was completely sports mad as you all know and can see by the choice of gifts placed at the foot of their pictures here. Dan and Alex found a common thread in their love of the outdoors and sport and could play something every day and never tire of it.’
Kate looked over to her left where Alex’s school friends had gathered with their parents.
‘I want to thank you all, because Alex loved every minute he spent with you guys. He loved his friends and in turn he loved school because of it. He would come home so excited telling me everything you lot got up to during the day and his face was the picture of happiness. So thank you for being a part of his all too short life. Thank you for being his friends and giving him so much joy.’
Pausing Kate looked loving at the front row of people in front of her.
‘I would like to thank my parents and Dan’s parents and family as well. They have been a tremendous support to me and I really don’t think I would be here talking to you today if not for their love and strength.’
‘My last thank you is too you all here. For your unwavering support, the food, flowers, chocolates, and wine, many thanks. And for being here today to celebrate the life of my two boys, thank you.’
‘One other thing before we finish up. As most of you know, Dan and I were to celebrate our 10th Wedding anniversary at the end of September. True to form my darling husband had already planned his gift for me. For those of you that don’t know, the only thing they found of Dan’s which could be returned to me was his wallet. Inside his wallet I found a receipt for a Paul Sheeran Jewellers. So yesterday I took myself into town and decided to see what it was for. To my complete shock this is what was waiting for me.’
Kate lifted her left arm so everyone could see. The gold and diamond encrusted bracelet sparkled as the light shone down on it. Kate paused and took a deep breath.
‘Nearly there,’ she told herself.
‘The reason for the docket was because Dan was having it engraved.’
Kate stopped for a moment looking at the light dancing on the diamonds on her wrist.
‘The engraving reads,’
‘K, u have my heart & soul x D 23.9.11’
Kate looked towards the pictures on the altar.
‘And you have mine darling,’ she smiled through her tears.
‘I was thrilled when Rachel and Dan asked me, before Alex was born to be godmother to their child. I have to say I felt very touched that they felt I could be bestowed with the awesome responsibility of helping to bring him up with their virtues and beliefs should anything ever happen.’ She paused, not knowing how people would take this.
‘Little did we know at the time that we would be here today saying goodbye to Alex only eight short years after he came into this world. But what a ride he gave us all in those eight years.’ She looked up and smiled through her tears.
‘Alex allowed me to be myself when I was around him. I didn’t have to pretend to be interesting and intelligent or worry if I was making the right impression. Alex loved me for being me. Just as he did with everyone else. You could never fain an emotion with Alex. It was like he had a sixth sense about these things. If you tried to tell him you were ok even when you were having a shitty day he would tell you to ‘tell me the truth or I’ll tickle it out of you’ You couldn’t help but smile at his intuitiveness which to be honest if I had half of it I wouldn’t make as many lousy decisions as I do.’ She smirked to herself before continuing.
‘Alex reminded me how important it is to keep in touch with that inner child we all have, to always be truthful in your dealings with people because they can see through you even if you can’t and above all else do everything in life with enthusiasm and to the best of your ability. That’s some legacy for an eight year old to leave behind and, I for one am going to remember to keep in touch with my inner Alex whenever things become too hard to handle. And when I do that I will laugh and remember not to take myself too seriously just like Alex wouldn’t.’ Rachel wiped a stray tear and continued.
‘I miss my godchild every single day. Just as you all do here. I’m not going to stand here and pretend that I can see sense coming out of this horrible situation but I will say that even though it is so wrong and awful that he is no longer here with us I wouldn’t change the fact that we got to have him in our lives for the time we did. I know I am a better person for knowing him, I just wish it had been longer because I know he had so much more to teach us all. Alex we miss you. We love you and we will never, ever forget you.’ Rachel raised her head and saw the tears in everyone’s eyes as she left the podium.
Kate stood by her seat as Rachel made her way back down and hugged her close as their tears flowed.
‘Thank you, she whispered, ‘that was perfect.’
Rachel kissed her cheek and took her seat beside Kate as Tim reached the podium.
‘Thank you Rachel,’ Tim’s powerful voice came over the sound system. ‘That was really something. I’m sure Alex the scamp is turning to his Dad right now and saying ‘I told you so, I’m cool!’
Everyone laughed gently through their tears at the image.
‘And now to that dad. My mate Dan. Best man at my wedding, best man pretty much through my whole life.’ He paused. ‘You know I have this whole speech written,’ he held up the pieces of card in his hand. ‘But for some reason it doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t have to write down what Dan means to me.’
He touched his heart with his fisted right hand and took a deep breath trying to compose himself.
‘It’s right here mate.’
‘First off I want to thank Kate for giving me the opportunity to speak about Dan and for organizing this memorial so we all have the opportunity to say our goodbyes to Dan and Alex. I know I haven’t been able to find where to put the feelings I’ve been having and could sure do with any help at all to deal with this mess.’
Kate looked affectionately at Tim and smiled.
‘Dan the man,’ Tim began. ‘Well, I’ve known him since we were nippers. Our folks were friends before we were even a thought in their heads. So luckily for them Dan and I got on like a house on fire and found a mutual love of sports, rugby in particular which bonded us for life I guess.’
Tim rubbed his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger as he thought about what he needed to say next, he didn’t want to mess this up, it was too important.
‘Dan was the most energetic, enthusiastic, generous man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’ve never met anyone who could compare to him. He was a phenomenal guy, one of a kind you might say. I know I don’t come close to having his capacity to take life and run with it. He had an amazing ability to make the best of everything he did.’
Tim looked around the congregation and noted the nodding heads of Dan’s friends and family.
‘He was always a glass half full type of guy. He was the best friend any man could have and an amazing solicitor with the ability to charm any person young or old into doing his biding.’
He smiled and looked down at where Kate sat.
‘Kate your man was certainly one of a kind and when he met you he knew instantly that he had met the woman he was to spend the rest of his life with. He certainly wasted no time making sure you knew that. He never tried to pretend otherwise. He wasn’t afraid to admit you were it for him, no questions asked. I never even said this at your wedding but that first night in Toners when you guys met he asked me to be his best man, and you guys hadn’t even kissed yet!’
Kate laughed.
‘Since Dan & Alex were taken from us everyone I meet says the same thing about him. He was a damn good man and a great friend. He was also a super business partner. I know I’ll never meet anyone again in my life who comes close to being the all rounder that Dan was but like Rachel said before when she talked about Alex, I’m certainly a better man for knowing him and no matter what pain I feel now at his loss I wouldn’t want to erase the last 30 years of friendship in order to not feel it. There’s too many good memories caught up with the pain that’s there and I hope that sometime in the not too distant future I’ll be able to think about Dan and not feel so much sadness and just feel grateful for knowing him. Tim took a deep breath before he continued and raised an imaginary glass in a toast.
‘For now I want to say, Dan, you‘re the best, always were, always will be. Take care mate and look after that incredible son of yours. We’ll look after Kate for you at this end. See you around.’
The congregation stood and applauded as Tim finished speaking. Kate walked towards the podium and embraced Tim. ‘Thank you so much for that Tim,’ she whispered to him.
‘We love you Kate,’ he embraced her and kissed her cheek. ‘You going to be able to do this?’
‘Yes I’ll be okay, thanks,’ she said as she made her way to the microphone.
As people composed themselves and the applause died down Kate coughed to clear her throat trying to compose herself.
‘Thank you for that Rachel and Tim. I really appreciate you’re kind words’. She bent her head and took a moment to think.
‘Where to start?’ Kate smiled sadly as she looked towards the pictures of Dan and Alex on the altar.
‘I guess I’ll start at the beginning.’
She looked down at her parents for encouragement as Jack nodded at her and mouthed ,
‘You can do this,’ back to her.
‘I remember when I first saw Dan. People say they don’t believe in love at first sight and if I’m honest I was amongst that group until the 21st March 1998. He was standing at the bar counter in Toners with Tim, Brendan and Ian. They were such a good-looking bunch of guys that myself and the girls thought all our birthdays had come at once,’ she allowed herself to smile.
‘But Dan was the one I picked out and once he looked in my direction that was it. I was smithen. I think I may have even warned the girls off him, they’ve just always been too polite to bring it up.’ The congregation smiled companionably with Kate.
‘Tim mentioned to me earlier that Dan’s line on that night was “holy shit I’m a gonner”, sorry Marge.’ Kate looked at her Mother-in-law who smiled curtly up at her and bowed her head quickly, embarrassed by the relaxed, almost irreverent manner which Kate was determined to use to describe her life with her son.
‘Many of you here knew Dan and I as a couple so you will understand when I say we ‘fit’ each other. Over the past two weeks since I decided it was time to hold this memorial I’ve tried to think of an appropriate way to describe what we had. And that’s what I came up with,’ Kate smiled, ‘I know you probably would have done a lot better Dan,’ she looked towards his framed picture, the congregation smiled again.
‘Dan made me the happiest woman on this earth, and for those that know me well that’s some feat,’ pausing she looked around the pews at the faces of all her family and friends.
‘As Tim said before, he was an amazing man. He was caring, honest and hard working. Everyone who knew and loved him knew they could depend on him. He had a great sense of humour and an ability to make everyone feel comfortable in his company. Dan brought all of his wonderful qualities into our marriage and made life so fantastic by just being around him. But most of all Dan was an amazing father. Alex was truly the love of his life and I knew I came second but it never occurred to me to care. The moment Dan held Alex in the delivery room he was – to use his own words once again ‘a gonner’. I wept tears of pure joy when I saw them together for the first time. But Dan had a very special role model in his own father Jeremy and had always said how lucky he was that he had a father who he loved so dearly and respected so much. He always knew that how he wanted to bring Alex up was exactly the same as his father had done for him, no exceptions. He loved you dearly Jeremy.’
Kate saw the tears well in Jeremy’s eyes and blew him a kiss.
She took a deep breath before she lifted her head and looked at the picture on the altar of her son. His big smiling face, blond wavy hair and inquisitive brown eyes looking back at her.
‘My son, what can I say?’ the last words caught in her throat as she broke down.
Rose half stood to go to her, Jack grabbed her arm.
‘She’s ok,’ he whispered in her ear and placing his hand in hers squeezed it tight.
Kate raised her head again and this time she smiled.
‘He came from the incredible love Dan and I shared between us. And for eight wonderful years my son Alex held my heart in his hand. He still has it and he always will. I think Rachel summed him up when she spoke so lovingly about him. My son was very lucky to have gotten so many of his Dad’s traits, he may have looked like me but he acted like his Dad, some might say the perfect blend.’
She looked around laughing as she wiped the corners of her eyes where the tears had lodged.
‘The one saving grace I can hold onto through all of this is that he is with his Dad. Alex adored Dan. He was completely sports mad as you all know and can see by the choice of gifts placed at the foot of their pictures here. Dan and Alex found a common thread in their love of the outdoors and sport and could play something every day and never tire of it.’
Kate looked over to her left where Alex’s school friends had gathered with their parents.
‘I want to thank you all, because Alex loved every minute he spent with you guys. He loved his friends and in turn he loved school because of it. He would come home so excited telling me everything you lot got up to during the day and his face was the picture of happiness. So thank you for being a part of his all too short life. Thank you for being his friends and giving him so much joy.’
Pausing Kate looked loving at the front row of people in front of her.
‘I would like to thank my parents and Dan’s parents and family as well. They have been a tremendous support to me and I really don’t think I would be here talking to you today if not for their love and strength.’
‘My last thank you is too you all here. For your unwavering support, the food, flowers, chocolates, and wine, many thanks. And for being here today to celebrate the life of my two boys, thank you.’
‘One other thing before we finish up. As most of you know, Dan and I were to celebrate our 10th Wedding anniversary at the end of September. True to form my darling husband had already planned his gift for me. For those of you that don’t know, the only thing they found of Dan’s which could be returned to me was his wallet. Inside his wallet I found a receipt for a Paul Sheeran Jewellers. So yesterday I took myself into town and decided to see what it was for. To my complete shock this is what was waiting for me.’
Kate lifted her left arm so everyone could see. The gold and diamond encrusted bracelet sparkled as the light shone down on it. Kate paused and took a deep breath.
‘Nearly there,’ she told herself.
‘The reason for the docket was because Dan was having it engraved.’
Kate stopped for a moment looking at the light dancing on the diamonds on her wrist.
‘The engraving reads,’
‘K, u have my heart & soul x D 23.9.11’
Kate looked towards the pictures on the altar.
‘And you have mine darling,’ she smiled through her tears.
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