Chapter 3
Kate arrived home to Ireland the following week. She was using crutches as her broken leg still needed time to heal, but the scars on her face and head were starting to fade and the broken ribs were less painful. It was the scars inside that had her parents worried. Dan’s parents, Jeremy and Marge, had met them at the airport.
Inevitably, so too had the media. Ninety three Irish had been killed and over one hundred injured in the blasts which rocked through Malaga Airport on 14th August. This story was going to run for some time. Photographers had grappled for space with her family as she arrived through the sliding doors into the arrivals hall. Jack knew that if they wanted to keep this story in the papers and make sure the Spanish authorities brought those responsible in the ECF to justice they needed to allow the pictures to be taken, the questions to be asked, but that didn’t help his Katie’s homecoming.
The drive to the home Kate had shared with Dan and Alex seemed to go on forever. They turned down Hedgeworth Road and in front of them stood a beautiful tudor style house. Landscaped lawns framed the gravel drive. The black hall doors gloss shone brightly in the autumn sun. Kate felt the breath leave her as she opened the car door. Her heart aching, she cautiously hobbled with her crutches across the drive.
Just then Rachel and Susan opened the front door to Kate’s home.
‘Oh Katie, I’m so, so sorry,’ Susan was lost for any other words as she embraced her friend tightly before gently releasing her.
Rachel leaned in and hugged her close.
‘Oh God Katie, it’s so good to have you home with us. I’m so sorry about Dan and Alex. It’s just so awful what happened pet.’
They couldn’t hide the tears that came no matter how hard they tried. Kate accepted the hugs and held tightly to each of her friends but as she moved from Rachel’s embrace she stood rooted to the spot for what seemed an eternity. The open front door meant Kate was starring straight into the hallway. With its circular greeting table, pinstripe wallpaper and checkered floor the memories of the years she spent with Dan building their family home came flooding back to her. She remembered weekends spent thralling shops for the perfect tiles for the floors and lazy afternoons visiting antique shops until they found the exact table they wanted. Thoughtfully framed pictures caught her eye as she scanned the room. The smiling, carefree faces of her family were staring back at her. Tears ran freely down her cheeks as the group let her take in the scene in front of her.
Inevitably, so too had the media. Ninety three Irish had been killed and over one hundred injured in the blasts which rocked through Malaga Airport on 14th August. This story was going to run for some time. Photographers had grappled for space with her family as she arrived through the sliding doors into the arrivals hall. Jack knew that if they wanted to keep this story in the papers and make sure the Spanish authorities brought those responsible in the ECF to justice they needed to allow the pictures to be taken, the questions to be asked, but that didn’t help his Katie’s homecoming.
The drive to the home Kate had shared with Dan and Alex seemed to go on forever. They turned down Hedgeworth Road and in front of them stood a beautiful tudor style house. Landscaped lawns framed the gravel drive. The black hall doors gloss shone brightly in the autumn sun. Kate felt the breath leave her as she opened the car door. Her heart aching, she cautiously hobbled with her crutches across the drive.
Just then Rachel and Susan opened the front door to Kate’s home.
‘Oh Katie, I’m so, so sorry,’ Susan was lost for any other words as she embraced her friend tightly before gently releasing her.
Rachel leaned in and hugged her close.
‘Oh God Katie, it’s so good to have you home with us. I’m so sorry about Dan and Alex. It’s just so awful what happened pet.’
They couldn’t hide the tears that came no matter how hard they tried. Kate accepted the hugs and held tightly to each of her friends but as she moved from Rachel’s embrace she stood rooted to the spot for what seemed an eternity. The open front door meant Kate was starring straight into the hallway. With its circular greeting table, pinstripe wallpaper and checkered floor the memories of the years she spent with Dan building their family home came flooding back to her. She remembered weekends spent thralling shops for the perfect tiles for the floors and lazy afternoons visiting antique shops until they found the exact table they wanted. Thoughtfully framed pictures caught her eye as she scanned the room. The smiling, carefree faces of her family were staring back at her. Tears ran freely down her cheeks as the group let her take in the scene in front of her.
Jack and Jeremy were busy discreetly requesting the awaiting media to give them some privacy. This was not a moment Jack wanted plastered all over the tabloids. They had gotten their homecoming pictures in the airport. The detectives assigned to them from the department of foreign affairs liaison section helped move them on. These guys are a godsend thought Jack as he watched John bark orders to the waiting crowd as he closed the driveway gates. They listened and started to disperse as soon as he finished speaking. Kate heard nothing but the thud of her heart heavy in her chest. She was so caught up in her own world of Dan and Alex nothing else around her was registering.
Rose came up behind her and squeezed Kate’s arm tenderly,whispering,
‘It’s ok my darling we’re here, we’re all here to help you.’
Kate’s steps faltered and Rose put a protective arm on her lower back.
‘You can do this Kate, one step at a time, why don’t we go in and make a cup of tea?’
Marge nodded in agreement and made her way to the kitchen, she wanted to feel useful and for the life of her couldn’t understand why Kate insisted on coming straight back to the house. She should have let Jack and Rose take her home for a few weeks she thought. Jeremy was still standing out by the cars in the drive talking to Jack and those detectives. She had only met them briefly when they had given her their condolences.
‘Now, what did Jeremy say their names were?’ she thought. ‘Oh Yes Patrick and John, good strong names. Fine big boys they were too. You would feel safe if they were looking after you,’ thought Marge. Rachel brought Marge out of her revere.
‘Marge I’ve the sandwiches made would you help us with teas and coffees?’
Kate’s friends had thought of everything Marge noticed. There were enough rounds of sandwiches to feed an army and even a gateaux lemon cake.
Kate had made it as far as the hallway.
‘Come on love,’ Rose was pleading now, ‘you need to rest that leg of yours. Marge has the kettle on, and Rachel and Susan made some lunch. Let’s go into the kitchen.’
Jack and Jeremy arrived into the hall in time to hear Kate respond.
‘Mum, please, just leave me here. I need to take it in. I can still smell them here, I can feel them. I need to be able to feel them. All that time in the hospital I had nothing but my thoughts now I’m here, I’m home. I’m back with Dan and Alex and I want to’, she paused, ‘no that’s wrong, I need to breath them in.’
Jack took Rose by the arm and led her into the kitchen, Jeremy followed in silence planting a kiss on Kate’s forehead as he passed and squeezing her arm to let her know he understood. She took a deep breath trying to fill her lungs with the air that her family once breathed. She tried to fill her body with their scent, their essence that she could feel all around her. And then the tears came again as they had done so easily over the past week. Since she had woken from her coma every moment was spent either trying hard not to cry or letting the flood gates open and weeping for all she was worth. As she stood in her hallway Kate felt the heartache as a huge weight bearing down on her. The heaviness which had gripped her when she had first heard they were dead seemed to settle into her now. It got more solid and took hold of her whole body.
Rose peered her head around the corner and watched Kate leaning on her crutches, tears streaming down her face. The churning at the pit of her stomach made Kate retch and she hobbled to the downstairs bathroom.
‘I have to go to her Jack.’
‘No Rose, leave her. You heard what she said, let her be, she’ll come to us when she’s ready.’
Back in the kitchen everyone was trying to busy themselves with some task or other.
‘I know I’ve asked this before, but is there no way she will agree to live with you both for a while?’ Marge enquired.
‘Damn it Marge, leave it alone woman. You’ve been told already, that’s not what Kate wants to do. She lost her husband and her child, not her mind. She is capable of making her own decisions,’ Jeremy fumed.
In a slow, steady voice Marge replied.
‘And I lost my son and grandson Jeremy, I know how awful it feels, I just thought…’
‘….Alright folks, let’s keep our heads. This is difficult for us all, but Jeremy’s right. This is Kate’s decision and all we can do is to be here for her. On that point though Marge, we decided that Rose and I are going to stay here for a couple of weeks so that should at least help her out and make things feel less lonely for a while.’
Susan and Rachel busied themselves with preparing the tea and coffee as they listened to the exchange between the two sets of parents. Neither woman could begin to comprehend the pain they were suffering.
Although she was trying hard, Rose couldn’t leave it any longer. Jack nodded he understood as she got up from the table and went into the hall as the girls poured the tea. She wrapped on the bathroom door,
‘Kate darling, it’s Mum. Are you okay?’
There was a short pause before she heard the bathroom lock click open and Kate stood leaning against the post, her crutches lay on the floor, her face was raw from crying bitter tears and her eyes tired and empty. Kate hugged her mother to her and buried her head into her shoulder.
‘I don’t think I’ll ever be alright again Mum,’ she sobbed.
‘You will love, you will.’ Rose rubbed Kates back and not for the first time since this nightmare began she wished with all her heart that she could take away Kate’s pain and take it on herself. The doorbell ringing brought them back to the present and Jack passed them to open it. Claire, Dan’s sister stood on the doorstep looking drawn and upset. She hugged Jack tightly to her. Catching sight of Kate and Rose by the bathroom door she released her grip and making her way to her sister in laws side she silently held her. Jack and Rose returned to the kitchen while the women embraced and fresh tears formed for Kate. Claire tried her best to sooth Kate’s anguish.
‘Sssh, you’ll be ok Katie I promise, ssh, there there.’
Claire stroked Kate’s hair all the while wondering how in God’s name would any of them ever be ok again?
‘Oh Cass, I miss them so much, I just want them back.’ she sobbed.
‘I know sweetheart, I know, me too.’ she cried in response.
Marge arrived from the kitchen and hugged her daughter to her. Claire noticed the strain on her mother’s face and couldn’t help worrying. She knew how this had devastated her parents but she wasn’t sure how well they were handling it. Her Dad seemed to be fighting constantly with her Mum and Claire knew her Mother wasn’t able for the confrontation. The day she heard about Dan and Alex a light had been extinguished behind her eyes and that fire which was peppered through everything Marge did in her life had disappeared. Claire knew her mother could be a handful at times and god knows they had their run in’s when Marge had tried once too often to control Claire’s life for her. But she was her Mum, she loved her and behind it all Claire knew Marge was only doing what she thought was the best for her children and family.
‘Sorry I wasn’t here earlier. Harry is really acting out at the moment. He misses Alex and Dan so much but he won’t talk to either of us. He just keeps getting into trouble. The school are trying to be sympathic but I know they are losing patience. He is only back two weeks and already he has been sent home four times.’
Marge wondered why Claire would even bring up Harry at this point.
‘Let’s go back inside to the others,’ she urged Claire.
‘Yes, yes of course, sorry about that,’ she said, realizing from the look her Mum passed to her how hearing about Harry may not be what Kate wanted right now. Alex and Harry were the same age and loved playing together.
‘It’s alright Claire. I want to hear about Harry, it feels as if Alex is closer to me when you talk about him. They had such fun times together. I’m so glad you moved back from New York when you did at least this way Harry got to know Alex before…….before…..,’
Kate broke down and once again the flood gates opened.
‘Hey it’s ok,’ soothed Claire as she tenderly rubbed Kate’s back before pulling her into a tight embrace. Marge felt redundant and moved back into the kitchen to join the others.
‘Cass, how do I live without them?’ it was a barely audible whisper and Claire held Kate’s face gently in her two hands and whispered back.
‘I don’t know yet, but however it is we are all here to help you find the way.’
Kate exhaled and placed her head back on Claire’s shoulder.
Rose came up behind her and squeezed Kate’s arm tenderly,whispering,
‘It’s ok my darling we’re here, we’re all here to help you.’
Kate’s steps faltered and Rose put a protective arm on her lower back.
‘You can do this Kate, one step at a time, why don’t we go in and make a cup of tea?’
Marge nodded in agreement and made her way to the kitchen, she wanted to feel useful and for the life of her couldn’t understand why Kate insisted on coming straight back to the house. She should have let Jack and Rose take her home for a few weeks she thought. Jeremy was still standing out by the cars in the drive talking to Jack and those detectives. She had only met them briefly when they had given her their condolences.
‘Now, what did Jeremy say their names were?’ she thought. ‘Oh Yes Patrick and John, good strong names. Fine big boys they were too. You would feel safe if they were looking after you,’ thought Marge. Rachel brought Marge out of her revere.
‘Marge I’ve the sandwiches made would you help us with teas and coffees?’
Kate’s friends had thought of everything Marge noticed. There were enough rounds of sandwiches to feed an army and even a gateaux lemon cake.
Kate had made it as far as the hallway.
‘Come on love,’ Rose was pleading now, ‘you need to rest that leg of yours. Marge has the kettle on, and Rachel and Susan made some lunch. Let’s go into the kitchen.’
Jack and Jeremy arrived into the hall in time to hear Kate respond.
‘Mum, please, just leave me here. I need to take it in. I can still smell them here, I can feel them. I need to be able to feel them. All that time in the hospital I had nothing but my thoughts now I’m here, I’m home. I’m back with Dan and Alex and I want to’, she paused, ‘no that’s wrong, I need to breath them in.’
Jack took Rose by the arm and led her into the kitchen, Jeremy followed in silence planting a kiss on Kate’s forehead as he passed and squeezing her arm to let her know he understood. She took a deep breath trying to fill her lungs with the air that her family once breathed. She tried to fill her body with their scent, their essence that she could feel all around her. And then the tears came again as they had done so easily over the past week. Since she had woken from her coma every moment was spent either trying hard not to cry or letting the flood gates open and weeping for all she was worth. As she stood in her hallway Kate felt the heartache as a huge weight bearing down on her. The heaviness which had gripped her when she had first heard they were dead seemed to settle into her now. It got more solid and took hold of her whole body.
Rose peered her head around the corner and watched Kate leaning on her crutches, tears streaming down her face. The churning at the pit of her stomach made Kate retch and she hobbled to the downstairs bathroom.
‘I have to go to her Jack.’
‘No Rose, leave her. You heard what she said, let her be, she’ll come to us when she’s ready.’
Back in the kitchen everyone was trying to busy themselves with some task or other.
‘I know I’ve asked this before, but is there no way she will agree to live with you both for a while?’ Marge enquired.
‘Damn it Marge, leave it alone woman. You’ve been told already, that’s not what Kate wants to do. She lost her husband and her child, not her mind. She is capable of making her own decisions,’ Jeremy fumed.
In a slow, steady voice Marge replied.
‘And I lost my son and grandson Jeremy, I know how awful it feels, I just thought…’
‘….Alright folks, let’s keep our heads. This is difficult for us all, but Jeremy’s right. This is Kate’s decision and all we can do is to be here for her. On that point though Marge, we decided that Rose and I are going to stay here for a couple of weeks so that should at least help her out and make things feel less lonely for a while.’
Susan and Rachel busied themselves with preparing the tea and coffee as they listened to the exchange between the two sets of parents. Neither woman could begin to comprehend the pain they were suffering.
Although she was trying hard, Rose couldn’t leave it any longer. Jack nodded he understood as she got up from the table and went into the hall as the girls poured the tea. She wrapped on the bathroom door,
‘Kate darling, it’s Mum. Are you okay?’
There was a short pause before she heard the bathroom lock click open and Kate stood leaning against the post, her crutches lay on the floor, her face was raw from crying bitter tears and her eyes tired and empty. Kate hugged her mother to her and buried her head into her shoulder.
‘I don’t think I’ll ever be alright again Mum,’ she sobbed.
‘You will love, you will.’ Rose rubbed Kates back and not for the first time since this nightmare began she wished with all her heart that she could take away Kate’s pain and take it on herself. The doorbell ringing brought them back to the present and Jack passed them to open it. Claire, Dan’s sister stood on the doorstep looking drawn and upset. She hugged Jack tightly to her. Catching sight of Kate and Rose by the bathroom door she released her grip and making her way to her sister in laws side she silently held her. Jack and Rose returned to the kitchen while the women embraced and fresh tears formed for Kate. Claire tried her best to sooth Kate’s anguish.
‘Sssh, you’ll be ok Katie I promise, ssh, there there.’
Claire stroked Kate’s hair all the while wondering how in God’s name would any of them ever be ok again?
‘Oh Cass, I miss them so much, I just want them back.’ she sobbed.
‘I know sweetheart, I know, me too.’ she cried in response.
Marge arrived from the kitchen and hugged her daughter to her. Claire noticed the strain on her mother’s face and couldn’t help worrying. She knew how this had devastated her parents but she wasn’t sure how well they were handling it. Her Dad seemed to be fighting constantly with her Mum and Claire knew her Mother wasn’t able for the confrontation. The day she heard about Dan and Alex a light had been extinguished behind her eyes and that fire which was peppered through everything Marge did in her life had disappeared. Claire knew her mother could be a handful at times and god knows they had their run in’s when Marge had tried once too often to control Claire’s life for her. But she was her Mum, she loved her and behind it all Claire knew Marge was only doing what she thought was the best for her children and family.
‘Sorry I wasn’t here earlier. Harry is really acting out at the moment. He misses Alex and Dan so much but he won’t talk to either of us. He just keeps getting into trouble. The school are trying to be sympathic but I know they are losing patience. He is only back two weeks and already he has been sent home four times.’
Marge wondered why Claire would even bring up Harry at this point.
‘Let’s go back inside to the others,’ she urged Claire.
‘Yes, yes of course, sorry about that,’ she said, realizing from the look her Mum passed to her how hearing about Harry may not be what Kate wanted right now. Alex and Harry were the same age and loved playing together.
‘It’s alright Claire. I want to hear about Harry, it feels as if Alex is closer to me when you talk about him. They had such fun times together. I’m so glad you moved back from New York when you did at least this way Harry got to know Alex before…….before…..,’
Kate broke down and once again the flood gates opened.
‘Hey it’s ok,’ soothed Claire as she tenderly rubbed Kate’s back before pulling her into a tight embrace. Marge felt redundant and moved back into the kitchen to join the others.
‘Cass, how do I live without them?’ it was a barely audible whisper and Claire held Kate’s face gently in her two hands and whispered back.
‘I don’t know yet, but however it is we are all here to help you find the way.’
Kate exhaled and placed her head back on Claire’s shoulder.
***
Later that evening the girls were sitting around Kate’s dining room table.
‘One of the funniest times I remember was that Halloween party in Tracy’s flat in Ranelagh,’
Kate smiled as Rachel continued.
‘You and Dan had dressed as Sonny and Cher, you looked more like a pimp and his prostitute!’
‘Oh gosh yeh, I remember that party,’ Claire laughed,
‘Dan was wearing that huge white floppy hat and that brown bell bottom suit. He really got a kick out of that.’
‘Yes, yes, we had such a great night, we made pitchers of cocktails, god I don’t know what we put in them, but I remember thinking it was every spirit Tracy had in her flat.’
Kate looked around the table at her friends and said a little prayer of gratitude that they were there with her.
‘Do you girls need more wine in here?’ Rose interrupted their reminiscing.
‘No, I’m fine Mrs B, I’ve to drive home at some point,’ Rachel drained her glass.
‘Why don’t you stay?’
‘Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened after one too many I suppose!’
‘Susan, how would you be fixed to grab a cab home if I stayed?’ Rachel enquired.
‘No prob, sure that’s a grand plan. I guess it’s another bottle of sauvignon blanc for the girls then Mrs B, thanks.’
‘I’ll get it,’ said Claire, standing up to go into the kitchen.
‘Will you sit where you are child, sure I feel useful this way. Would you like a snack with that? I could rustle up some crackers and cheese if you fancied it?’
‘I’m grand Mam, but the girls might like something.’ Kate replied.
‘I’m fine,’ Susan answered.
‘Me too,’ Rachel piped up.
‘Nothing for me thanks,’ Claire sat back down and finished the last of her wine.
As she arrived back into the kitchen Jack looked up from his place at the table. Rose opened the fridge to retrieve another chilled bottle of wine.
‘It’s good that she’s home. I think it’s better that she can talk to her girlfriends properly now instead of from a hospital bed.’
Jack rose from the kitchen table and gently placed his arm on Roses’ hand.
‘Why don’t you let me do that love, you look exhausted. It’s been an emotional day.’
Looking at Jack Rose smiled up at him.
‘Thank you love. You know, I think you’re right. I do feel very tired.’
‘Why don’t you go into the lounge I’ll bring the wine into the girls and follow you in with some tea?’
Rose smiled and handed him the bottle of wine. ‘Thanks love that would be great.’
‘I would certainly be lost without him’ she thought to herself. ‘Poor Katie, it’s these moments that can never be replaced when you have lost someone.’ Rose felt the weight of her daughters pain return once more.
‘One of the funniest times I remember was that Halloween party in Tracy’s flat in Ranelagh,’
Kate smiled as Rachel continued.
‘You and Dan had dressed as Sonny and Cher, you looked more like a pimp and his prostitute!’
‘Oh gosh yeh, I remember that party,’ Claire laughed,
‘Dan was wearing that huge white floppy hat and that brown bell bottom suit. He really got a kick out of that.’
‘Yes, yes, we had such a great night, we made pitchers of cocktails, god I don’t know what we put in them, but I remember thinking it was every spirit Tracy had in her flat.’
Kate looked around the table at her friends and said a little prayer of gratitude that they were there with her.
‘Do you girls need more wine in here?’ Rose interrupted their reminiscing.
‘No, I’m fine Mrs B, I’ve to drive home at some point,’ Rachel drained her glass.
‘Why don’t you stay?’
‘Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened after one too many I suppose!’
‘Susan, how would you be fixed to grab a cab home if I stayed?’ Rachel enquired.
‘No prob, sure that’s a grand plan. I guess it’s another bottle of sauvignon blanc for the girls then Mrs B, thanks.’
‘I’ll get it,’ said Claire, standing up to go into the kitchen.
‘Will you sit where you are child, sure I feel useful this way. Would you like a snack with that? I could rustle up some crackers and cheese if you fancied it?’
‘I’m grand Mam, but the girls might like something.’ Kate replied.
‘I’m fine,’ Susan answered.
‘Me too,’ Rachel piped up.
‘Nothing for me thanks,’ Claire sat back down and finished the last of her wine.
As she arrived back into the kitchen Jack looked up from his place at the table. Rose opened the fridge to retrieve another chilled bottle of wine.
‘It’s good that she’s home. I think it’s better that she can talk to her girlfriends properly now instead of from a hospital bed.’
Jack rose from the kitchen table and gently placed his arm on Roses’ hand.
‘Why don’t you let me do that love, you look exhausted. It’s been an emotional day.’
Looking at Jack Rose smiled up at him.
‘Thank you love. You know, I think you’re right. I do feel very tired.’
‘Why don’t you go into the lounge I’ll bring the wine into the girls and follow you in with some tea?’
Rose smiled and handed him the bottle of wine. ‘Thanks love that would be great.’
‘I would certainly be lost without him’ she thought to herself. ‘Poor Katie, it’s these moments that can never be replaced when you have lost someone.’ Rose felt the weight of her daughters pain return once more.
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