CHAPTER 21
‘Hi, it’s me,’ Rachel hoped Kate would talk to her and she was really hoping that she had caught her before she managed to have her first drink of the day. She tended to start earlier on the weekends.
‘Oh hi,’ Not the warmest welcome but then these past few months since the anniversary had pretty much all gone the same way. Nothing had changed, but Rachel wasn’t planning on giving up just yet.
‘Any plans for today? I thought we might get together.’
‘No sorry, I can’t, I’m busy.’
‘Ah, come on Katie, let’s meet for a while. We don’t have to talk we can go to the cinema if you want? Have a glass of wine and bite to eat afterwards, just like the old days?
‘I said I’m busy Rach. Sorry some other time.’
The dial tone cutting in signaled the end of the call and Rachel sat in stunned silence.
‘Bloody hell.’ She thought, ‘it’s worse she’s getting.’
After she hung up Kate thought about what Rachel would say if she knew what she was planning for later than afternoon.
‘I’m not saying a word to anyone,’ thought Kate to herself.
‘I don’t want their accusing eyes looking at me and I certainly don’t want a lecture on the moral righteousness of sleeping with another woman’s man. I’m going to keep this as my little secret for the time being.’
She smiled smugly to herself as she took a sip of her chardonnay and continued reading her book. It had only been two days since they had seen each other but James was coming over this evening for another tryst and Kate was eagerly waiting. Later that afternoon she was enjoying the rest of the bottle of wine while getting ready. Her new red negligee purchased for the occasion was hanging loosely over her slim figure. Her body had lost its curves over the past year or so but Kate felt so sexy and alive whenever James laid his hands on her she didn’t mind.
She heard the doorbell and excitedly rushed to open it.
Longing for him, she kissed him forcibly, ripping at his shirt before he even got inside the door. Two buttons popped off as he laughed and responded to her passion. James pushed her against the wall, knocking a picture of Dan and Kate on their wedding day to the ground. The glass smashed on the floor but Kate murmured, ‘leave it’.
He smiled and slammed the door closed with his foot as he reached under the sheer silk. He grabbed her hips and angled himself against her, feeling his hard flesh press into her softness through his clothes James knew he had to have her.
‘You are unbelievable’ he panted through their kisses.
‘Why don’t you take me now and remind me how unbelievable you are?’ she murmured as she began kissing his neck.
He didn’t need to be told twice. Undoing his belt with one hand he let his fingers find the warm and wet space between her legs that was so inviting to him. She moaned in ecstasy, dropped her negligee to the floor as he moved his mouth over her hard nipples. Dropping his trousers to the ground he used both hands now to cup her breasts and bring them to his mouth as he tried desperately to hold off the moment of entry. She reached her hand down and grabbed hold of him.
‘Oh God, yes’ he moaned. He couldn’t wait any longer he had to take her now. She understood exactly and wasted no time wrapping her legs around his waist as he sank deep inside her.
They both moaned with pleasure and greedily kissed each other, their tongues entwined.
Writhing breathlessly, hands exploring, their lust exploded as they kissed fervently and they came together trembling. He stood for a moment holding her and then James reluctantly released his grip on Kate as she slid her legs gently to the floor.
Their lust satiated for now Kate walked naked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Champagne from the fridge. She sauntered back to the hall where James was putting his clothes back on. He was examining his ripped shirt as she smiled coyly at him.
‘Fancy taking this upstairs?’ She held the champagne and glasses up.
He looked at her taunt naked body and moaned.
‘Sorry babe, no can do. I really meant it when I said a quick visit.’ He saw the disappointment on her face and walked towards her. Wrapping his arms around her he kissed her full red lips.
‘Don’t look at me like that, you know I would love to stay with you. Hannah is expecting me any minute and we said we’d be careful. We don’t want her getting suspicious and ruining things now do we?’ he stroked her cheek lightly with his finger tip.
‘What’s half an hour? Please? She wanted James and thought she should encourage him as much as possible. She kissed his neck slowly. Rubbing herself up against him.
‘You’re a minx, but I mean it babe. I have to go. Any chance there’s a spare shirt here I could use, I have to change this?’ he held out the side of his shirt where the buttons had been ripped off.
She pouted and went upstairs to get him one of Dan’s old ones, which still hung in their wardrobe. Placing the champagne and glasses on her dressing table Kate retrieved the shirt from its hanging space and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Pushing the thoughts that came flooding back to her to the back of her mind she made her way downstairs to James, champagne in hand.
‘Here’, she mumbled and gathered her negligee to her.
‘Come here you.’ He grabbed her around the waist and took hold of her hair pulling her head back so he could reach her mouth. Pressing down hard he kissed her and she responded eagerly.
Pulling back he bent down and used his tongue to tease her nipple before lifting his head and holding her face in his hands.
‘That is so you remember that what you are waiting for is worth it.’ He smirked and playfully smacked her naked behind.
‘Now go get dressed before the postman calls!’
‘Maybe I’ll stay like this then?’ Kate responded smiling.
She watched James drive away from her house and listened as he honked the car horn to say goodbye. ‘Bye’ she murmured as she reluctantly wrapped a towel around her body. She thought about having a shower and turned to walk upstairs. Just then the broken picture frame caught her eye and Dan’s smiling face looked up at her.
Kate was suddenly overcome with grief and reached for the picture. A piece of glass cut her finger and as the blood ran down her hand onto the floor she fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around the photograph.
‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry darling.’ Kate felt a ball of guilt build in the pit of her stomach.
‘Oh Dan, I’m sorry baby,’ she began to keen uncontrollably, rocking back and forth, gripping the photograph to her tightly.
‘What am I doing? Please help me.’
‘Oh hi,’ Not the warmest welcome but then these past few months since the anniversary had pretty much all gone the same way. Nothing had changed, but Rachel wasn’t planning on giving up just yet.
‘Any plans for today? I thought we might get together.’
‘No sorry, I can’t, I’m busy.’
‘Ah, come on Katie, let’s meet for a while. We don’t have to talk we can go to the cinema if you want? Have a glass of wine and bite to eat afterwards, just like the old days?
‘I said I’m busy Rach. Sorry some other time.’
The dial tone cutting in signaled the end of the call and Rachel sat in stunned silence.
‘Bloody hell.’ She thought, ‘it’s worse she’s getting.’
After she hung up Kate thought about what Rachel would say if she knew what she was planning for later than afternoon.
‘I’m not saying a word to anyone,’ thought Kate to herself.
‘I don’t want their accusing eyes looking at me and I certainly don’t want a lecture on the moral righteousness of sleeping with another woman’s man. I’m going to keep this as my little secret for the time being.’
She smiled smugly to herself as she took a sip of her chardonnay and continued reading her book. It had only been two days since they had seen each other but James was coming over this evening for another tryst and Kate was eagerly waiting. Later that afternoon she was enjoying the rest of the bottle of wine while getting ready. Her new red negligee purchased for the occasion was hanging loosely over her slim figure. Her body had lost its curves over the past year or so but Kate felt so sexy and alive whenever James laid his hands on her she didn’t mind.
She heard the doorbell and excitedly rushed to open it.
Longing for him, she kissed him forcibly, ripping at his shirt before he even got inside the door. Two buttons popped off as he laughed and responded to her passion. James pushed her against the wall, knocking a picture of Dan and Kate on their wedding day to the ground. The glass smashed on the floor but Kate murmured, ‘leave it’.
He smiled and slammed the door closed with his foot as he reached under the sheer silk. He grabbed her hips and angled himself against her, feeling his hard flesh press into her softness through his clothes James knew he had to have her.
‘You are unbelievable’ he panted through their kisses.
‘Why don’t you take me now and remind me how unbelievable you are?’ she murmured as she began kissing his neck.
He didn’t need to be told twice. Undoing his belt with one hand he let his fingers find the warm and wet space between her legs that was so inviting to him. She moaned in ecstasy, dropped her negligee to the floor as he moved his mouth over her hard nipples. Dropping his trousers to the ground he used both hands now to cup her breasts and bring them to his mouth as he tried desperately to hold off the moment of entry. She reached her hand down and grabbed hold of him.
‘Oh God, yes’ he moaned. He couldn’t wait any longer he had to take her now. She understood exactly and wasted no time wrapping her legs around his waist as he sank deep inside her.
They both moaned with pleasure and greedily kissed each other, their tongues entwined.
Writhing breathlessly, hands exploring, their lust exploded as they kissed fervently and they came together trembling. He stood for a moment holding her and then James reluctantly released his grip on Kate as she slid her legs gently to the floor.
Their lust satiated for now Kate walked naked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Champagne from the fridge. She sauntered back to the hall where James was putting his clothes back on. He was examining his ripped shirt as she smiled coyly at him.
‘Fancy taking this upstairs?’ She held the champagne and glasses up.
He looked at her taunt naked body and moaned.
‘Sorry babe, no can do. I really meant it when I said a quick visit.’ He saw the disappointment on her face and walked towards her. Wrapping his arms around her he kissed her full red lips.
‘Don’t look at me like that, you know I would love to stay with you. Hannah is expecting me any minute and we said we’d be careful. We don’t want her getting suspicious and ruining things now do we?’ he stroked her cheek lightly with his finger tip.
‘What’s half an hour? Please? She wanted James and thought she should encourage him as much as possible. She kissed his neck slowly. Rubbing herself up against him.
‘You’re a minx, but I mean it babe. I have to go. Any chance there’s a spare shirt here I could use, I have to change this?’ he held out the side of his shirt where the buttons had been ripped off.
She pouted and went upstairs to get him one of Dan’s old ones, which still hung in their wardrobe. Placing the champagne and glasses on her dressing table Kate retrieved the shirt from its hanging space and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Pushing the thoughts that came flooding back to her to the back of her mind she made her way downstairs to James, champagne in hand.
‘Here’, she mumbled and gathered her negligee to her.
‘Come here you.’ He grabbed her around the waist and took hold of her hair pulling her head back so he could reach her mouth. Pressing down hard he kissed her and she responded eagerly.
Pulling back he bent down and used his tongue to tease her nipple before lifting his head and holding her face in his hands.
‘That is so you remember that what you are waiting for is worth it.’ He smirked and playfully smacked her naked behind.
‘Now go get dressed before the postman calls!’
‘Maybe I’ll stay like this then?’ Kate responded smiling.
She watched James drive away from her house and listened as he honked the car horn to say goodbye. ‘Bye’ she murmured as she reluctantly wrapped a towel around her body. She thought about having a shower and turned to walk upstairs. Just then the broken picture frame caught her eye and Dan’s smiling face looked up at her.
Kate was suddenly overcome with grief and reached for the picture. A piece of glass cut her finger and as the blood ran down her hand onto the floor she fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around the photograph.
‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry darling.’ Kate felt a ball of guilt build in the pit of her stomach.
‘Oh Dan, I’m sorry baby,’ she began to keen uncontrollably, rocking back and forth, gripping the photograph to her tightly.
‘What am I doing? Please help me.’
***
‘Please Rachel you’re the only one I can talk to about this,’ Kate implored. She had decided she needed to talk to somebody about what was happening and had confided in Rachel earlier in the day.
‘Kate, I’ve told you, it’s a bad idea. You’ll only end up getting hurt. It’s the classic scenario. Married man promises to leave wife….’
‘…But I don’t want him to leave his wife, I don’t even know if I want to be with him. I feel so guilty afterwards, but when it’s happening it’s all I can think off. There’s definitely something wrong with me I know there is. What am I going to do?’
‘Ok, firstly, there’s nothing wrong with you really, apart from the fact you’re still grieving.’ Rachel held her hand up as Kate opened her mouth to protest.
‘Before you say it, yes you are still grieving. I told you what the counselor said to me. You can protest all you like but that’s what it is.’
Rachel paused and took a sip of her crisp chardonnay.
‘It doesn’t feel like grieving when I’m with him,’ Kate smiled mischievously and took a large gulp of her wine.
‘See there you go, one minute you’re consumed with guilt because you feel like you’re cheating on Dan and the next you look like the cat who got the cream, defiantly messed up.’
‘Well what should I do?’
‘I think you need to finish with James, not because I don’t think you deserve to be getting laid, although I am a little jealous,’ Rachel added playfully, ‘but because he isn’t available. He’s married and no matter what way you look at it, it’s wrong. On top of which you will only end up getting hurt, you know you will Katie.’
‘I only want a bit of fun with James. At least that’s what I think I want and then I think of Dan and the guilt comes flooding back.’
‘I understand, really I do. You of all people deserve to have fun and be happy. And the reason you probably picked James is precisely because he isn’t available in the proper sense of the word. But whether it’s guilt over Dan or anything else you have to stop it now.’
Kate, taking another drink of her merlot asked,
‘What if I don’t want to? When I’m with him I can just tune out everything else and the sex is mind blowing. As soon as I see his face I think of what he can do to me and places he brings my body and I just melt. My legs turn to jelly, my insides start to do somersaults and, well you can imagine the rest Rach. Lets’ just say the man has the hands and mouth of a God.’
Rachel looked at her friend and felt panic rise.
‘Kate, you are already talking as if you are falling for this guy.’
‘No, no I’m not. Don’t you get it? It’s just sex. It’s lust. That’s it. The sex is amazing. But I’ve been in love Rach, with Dan, and we had amazing sex, but we also had so much more together. I don’t want anything more with James. I only want sex. I like having someone want me and desire me as a woman. I was beginning to feel old before my time. I’m 34 and I was starting to feel like I was 64. He looks at me with that hunger in his eyes and I feel so goddam sexy and alive. Every nerve tingles in anticipation about what we are going to do to each other and I can block out everything else.
‘When you talk about it you make it sound perfectly plausible. So why do you feel so guilty about Dan?’ Rachel probed.
Kate looked downcast as she cupped the large wine glass in her hand. ‘I don’t honestly know Rach, but it’s like I go into this trance and it’s only when I come out of it that the guilt sets in. Then when I talk to James or see him again I go back into it. It’s like another personality takes hold of me.’
Rachel reached out and placed her hand over her friends.
‘Katie, you need to talk to someone. I can listen and offer advice, but I’m not a professional. These people are trained to help you. They have seen and heard everything. Will you please consider talking to someone?’
‘Ye maybe’ Kate said half heartedly.
Rachel didn’t hold out much hope, as she watched her friend drain the wine from her glass and call the waiter over for a refill.
‘What can I do to help her’ Rachel thought.
‘Kate, I’ve told you, it’s a bad idea. You’ll only end up getting hurt. It’s the classic scenario. Married man promises to leave wife….’
‘…But I don’t want him to leave his wife, I don’t even know if I want to be with him. I feel so guilty afterwards, but when it’s happening it’s all I can think off. There’s definitely something wrong with me I know there is. What am I going to do?’
‘Ok, firstly, there’s nothing wrong with you really, apart from the fact you’re still grieving.’ Rachel held her hand up as Kate opened her mouth to protest.
‘Before you say it, yes you are still grieving. I told you what the counselor said to me. You can protest all you like but that’s what it is.’
Rachel paused and took a sip of her crisp chardonnay.
‘It doesn’t feel like grieving when I’m with him,’ Kate smiled mischievously and took a large gulp of her wine.
‘See there you go, one minute you’re consumed with guilt because you feel like you’re cheating on Dan and the next you look like the cat who got the cream, defiantly messed up.’
‘Well what should I do?’
‘I think you need to finish with James, not because I don’t think you deserve to be getting laid, although I am a little jealous,’ Rachel added playfully, ‘but because he isn’t available. He’s married and no matter what way you look at it, it’s wrong. On top of which you will only end up getting hurt, you know you will Katie.’
‘I only want a bit of fun with James. At least that’s what I think I want and then I think of Dan and the guilt comes flooding back.’
‘I understand, really I do. You of all people deserve to have fun and be happy. And the reason you probably picked James is precisely because he isn’t available in the proper sense of the word. But whether it’s guilt over Dan or anything else you have to stop it now.’
Kate, taking another drink of her merlot asked,
‘What if I don’t want to? When I’m with him I can just tune out everything else and the sex is mind blowing. As soon as I see his face I think of what he can do to me and places he brings my body and I just melt. My legs turn to jelly, my insides start to do somersaults and, well you can imagine the rest Rach. Lets’ just say the man has the hands and mouth of a God.’
Rachel looked at her friend and felt panic rise.
‘Kate, you are already talking as if you are falling for this guy.’
‘No, no I’m not. Don’t you get it? It’s just sex. It’s lust. That’s it. The sex is amazing. But I’ve been in love Rach, with Dan, and we had amazing sex, but we also had so much more together. I don’t want anything more with James. I only want sex. I like having someone want me and desire me as a woman. I was beginning to feel old before my time. I’m 34 and I was starting to feel like I was 64. He looks at me with that hunger in his eyes and I feel so goddam sexy and alive. Every nerve tingles in anticipation about what we are going to do to each other and I can block out everything else.
‘When you talk about it you make it sound perfectly plausible. So why do you feel so guilty about Dan?’ Rachel probed.
Kate looked downcast as she cupped the large wine glass in her hand. ‘I don’t honestly know Rach, but it’s like I go into this trance and it’s only when I come out of it that the guilt sets in. Then when I talk to James or see him again I go back into it. It’s like another personality takes hold of me.’
Rachel reached out and placed her hand over her friends.
‘Katie, you need to talk to someone. I can listen and offer advice, but I’m not a professional. These people are trained to help you. They have seen and heard everything. Will you please consider talking to someone?’
‘Ye maybe’ Kate said half heartedly.
Rachel didn’t hold out much hope, as she watched her friend drain the wine from her glass and call the waiter over for a refill.
‘What can I do to help her’ Rachel thought.
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