Chapter 16
The bleak January weather did nothing to help lighten Kate’s mood. The pain of her first Christmas without them both hung over her as a coat of armour. No amount of cajoling, warm wishes, chats with friends or even drinks could come close to removing it. She was feeling restless and desperately trying to keep functioning when some days she would much prefer to curl up into a ball and disappear. On those days she gave in to her feelings because she hadn’t the energy not too. On the better days she took herself off into town to meet friends or just take a stroll through the streets that she used to walk with Dan when they had first met. She spent time visiting all the places they had ever gone to. They had spent so much time on Sandymount Beach Kate felt very close to Dan there. They put the world to rights on so many evening walks and afterwards on their way home they would stop off in Ryan’s for a hot whiskey to take the chill out of their bones on a dark winters evening or a cool beer on a balmy summer night.
‘How simple life had been then,’ she thought nostalgically.
Today was Alex’s birthday and Kate had woken as she always did with a little hope in her heart that what she felt was all because of a bad dream. When she had woken this morning the hope faded a little quicker as the face of her smiling son looked at her from the photo beside her bed.
‘Happy birthday.’ She had bearly gotten the words out when she had to grab the downy pillow and hug it close to her for comfort letting fresh tears fall into its softness.
‘Oh Alex baby, I miss you. I wish you were here. You got such a kick out of your birthday parties. I have a secret for you. I bought you the birthday present you wanted. It’s in your room all wrapped up along with your Christmas presents. It will come with me whenever I go to meet you both.’ Kate knew it was crazy to buy presents for a child that was no longer here but when she was buying it she had felt just for a few moments that life was back to normal and when she wrapped it she got to imagine Alex’s excited face as he opened it.
‘He really was a great kid.’ She thought to herself. He loved getting presents and he was such a joy to give them to because his reactions made you feel on top of the world. Kate let the tears subside before she dragged herself from the bed and got ready to face the day. She was cooking all of Alexs' favourite food for her parents and Dans.
Kate’s dad greeted her when she came downstairs that morning with a hug and a knowing kiss on the cheek.
‘He would have been nine today Dad. I still can’t quite believe he won’t come thundering through that door after searching the house in vain for his present.’
‘Ye I know love. Your mum and I were saying the very same thing earlier this morning. Now listen she has had to go over to Jeremy and Marge’s house.’
‘Why, I thought they were coming here for dinner?’
‘Jeremy left Marge this morning.’ Jack’s words felt like a slap on the face to Kate. Everything was falling apart.
Her Dad continued.
‘Now, I think it may be just a phase. You know how hard this has hit everyone. Jeremy seems to have taken it as a cue to live his final years searching for a happiness that seems to be alluding him. I’m not sure if he’s searching for it in the right places, but it’s up to him to figure that out.’
‘What about poor Marge? She must be devastated.’
‘Yes she was quite distraught on the phone this morning. So you’re mum high tailed it over there. She said she would make it back as soon as she could to help with dinner. She just wasn’t sure what state she would find Marge in.’
‘Absolutley, sure we’ll be fine. Between the two of us we can have that covered. But she should bring Marge back with her. She shouldn’t be on her own. Especially not today and now with Jeremy gone she will have nobody.’ Kate couldn’t stand the heartache of it all.
‘Oh Dad. I understand everyone has to do what they feel is right for them. But Jeremy’s timing couldn’t be worse if he tried. It’s Alex’s birthday for Christ’s sake. Have you talked to him since he left? Did he tell you why today of all days?’
‘He said he.., oh look it doesn’t matter what he said. It’s done. It had been brewing….’
‘…..why won’t you tell me?’
‘......well, it’s just. I don’t want you to be hurt anymore than necessary love that’s all.’
‘Me? Why would I be hurt?’
Jack sighed and reached his hand out to cover Kate’s.
‘It’s just that Jeremy said he couldn’t stand another day of crying and upset. He finds it very difficult to come here and see you so upset all the time.’ He looked affectionately at Kate where she sat next to him at the kitchen table. ‘Oh Dad. I understand that completely. Really I do. I hate all the sadness that follows me everywhere. I don’t blame Jeremy for trying to get away from it.’
Jack was surprised at Kate’s reaction but recognized it was another step in the right direction and he was very grateful for that.
‘Well, I did try to tell him that running from Marge probably wasn’t going to help him leave the hurt behind but he’s quite adamant that it will help. Who am I to argue with him? I’ve always said the woman must be a nightmare to live with. I don’t know how he’s stuck it as long as he has quite frankly.’
‘I know, but she adores him. Her whole life is centered around him and her kids and with Dan no longer around maybe things were getting too intense. Did he try talking to her? Did they go to counseling even?’
‘No love, Jeremy said he knew it was time. He’s tried enough through the years and there was no point in staying together now just so they could deal with their grief over Dan and Alex. He didn’t see any point in it. In fact I think it was losing the two boys that has made him realize how precious life is. He seems to be living by the mantra, ‘cease the day’. He keeps saying you never know when your time is up.’
‘I understand.’
Jack and Kate sat in silence each lost in their own world for a few minutes before Kate leaned over and kissed her dad on the forehead as she stood from the table.
Smiling up at her affectionately he said, ‘what was that for love?’
‘Just for being you. You’re a very wise man Dad. Jeremy is lucky to have you as a friend and I’m blessed to have you as my Dad.’
Embarrassed Jack replied.
‘I’m the blessed one love, but thanks,’ his heart soared.
‘Now I better get a start on this dinner.’ Kate started peeling the potatoes. She felt an overwhelming sense of purpose as she set about cooking Alex’s favourite dinner.
After a few minutes she turned to her Dad.
‘By the way I have some news of my own.’
‘Oh?’
Jack was still sitting at the kitchen table. Intrigued he laid the Sunday Times back down and removed his reading glasses.
‘I’m going back to work.’ The climbing frame in the garden caught her attention as she looked out the picture window. ‘I must do something about that,’ she thought.
‘That’s great news Kate. When did you decide all this? Have you spoken to them about it yet?’
‘I talked to Eugene on Friday. He was very happy and said if I was sure about it they would be delighted. I could start back part time if I wanted to.’ Kate finished peeling the potatoes as Rose entered the Kitchen and interrupted them.
‘Hi, how’s dinner coming along? What can I do?’
Rose unhooked her apron from the back of the utility room door.
‘Everything is fine Mum, why don’t you sit down and relax, read the papers. There’s a sherry with your name on it. I’m sure you need it after the morning you’ve had. Dad told me what happened.’
‘No dear I’m grand, I just had one with Marge. She insisted. I felt I should what with her and Jeremy. She really just needed someone to talk to. She’s devastated you know, can’t believe he’s actually left her. I tried to insist that she would be better off spending the day with us here but she wouldn’t here tell of it.’
‘Oh. I wish she would have Mum. It won’t do her any good sitting at home today.’
‘I know that’s exactly what I said to her, but to no avail I’m afraid. She was quite adamant.’
Jack interrupted their chatter saying pointedly.
‘Rose, Kate was just telling me she has decided to go back to work.’
‘Oh I’m sorry dear and here’s me harping on about other people’s problems’.
‘It’s alright you two’ Kate turned and leant against the sink. Marge is hardly ‘other people’. Why don’t you tell us over dinner what’s happening with them?’
‘Alright dear. Do tell me about work. When was all this decided? 'Well as I was telling Dad, I talked to Eugene on Friday and agreed to meet him tomorrow for a coffee and a chat. He suggested I might like to come back part time, but I’ve thought about it over the weekend and to be honest I might as well be in there selling houses as home here twiddling my thumbs.’
Jack nodded his agreement.
‘Marvellous idea Katie, you won’t know yourself when you get back into things. It will be lovely for you to spend more time with your friends there too. I’m sure Rachel misses you in work.’
‘Ye I guess so dad. I know I should be grateful that they have kept my job open for me. Apparently they haven’t been able to get a relief manager to cover. Everyone has had to work a little harder than they should. I can’t help feeling that some people might be resentful because of that. You know a few of the guys in work never even called when I came home?’ Kate sat down at the kitchen table.
Rose had taken over preparing the dinner oblivious to Kate’s insistence that she sit and relax. She was busy boiling potatoes, julienning carrots and stuffing the roast chicken as Kate talked.
‘Katie, you know why that is. Some people just have no idea how to react when a tragedy like this happens.’
‘But that doesn’t make it hurt any less Dad. I didn’t know how to deal with tragedies like this either, but I had to. They could have at least called and said ‘I’m sorry’. They could have turned up at the memorial service even, Rachel told everyone about it. They all knew Dan and Alex. I’ve worked there since I left school. They were all at our wedding for Christ sake. It’s like they’re saying they never even existed’ Kate was getting visibly upset.
‘Okay love, just calm down. I understand, really I do. Sure look at poor Jeremy and Marge and what’s happened to them. And your Mum and I have had friends who we’ve known for years cross the road instead of talk to us in the town.’
The anger subsided for a moment and Kate looked at her Dad shocked.
‘I didn’t know that Dad, you never told me.’ A tear formed in the corner of her eye and Jack watched it slide down her cheek.’
‘Katie, that’s life now. Your Mum and I have dealt with it. We accept that everyone deals with it in their own way. Plus, now we know our true friends. With that knowledge comes a much deeper appreciation of them and a new level of friendship. So don’t be sad for us love please.’
Silently Rose made her way to Kate and held her close, rubbing her hand over her fine blond hair and down her back.
‘It just doesn’t seem right. We didn’t do anything wrong damn it.’
Kate felt the anger explode and she pulled away from Rose’ embrace.
‘Did they ever think how we must be feeling. We are the ones who lost them. Jesus how selfish can you be?’
‘Hey, hey relax now’ Jack admonished her. ‘There’s no benefit in getting angry at this stage. What’s the point?’
‘The point is …’ Kate started exasperated ‘…oh damn it Dad I don’t have any idea what the goddamn point is anymore I really don’t. I thought I had started to figure it out. Put it where it should go….’
She stood placing her hands on the kitchen table.
‘….I know it’s useless getting angry but I can’t help it sometimes. Ahh, it’s just so infuriating. I want to shake those people and scream at them. They have no idea what we’ve been through. No bloody idea at all.’
Kate stormed out into the garden. The slamming door made Rose jump. She shook her head dejectedly as the silence reverberated through the room. She spoke quietly.
‘She has to do something about that anger Jack. Please try and talk to her, she listens to you.’
‘I’ve tried love. She was in good form this morning. I thought we were seeing some progress. It’s like a switch inside her. One minute she seems to be doing fine and the next, bang. But she still adamantly refuses to see a bereavement counselor. And until she makes her own mind up we can’t make her go. She feels she’s doing very well considering everything that’s happened and she’s dealing with it in her own way.’
He looked across at his wife holding his glasses poised to be put back on.
‘To be honest love, I have to agree with her. She is doing very well and the anger is understandable, maybe it will dissipate over time. It has still only been five months. And we are seeing more flashes of hope more recently.’
‘I don’t know Jack, she was never angry like this. Even as a child, it just wasn’t in her. How can someone who wasn’t capable of a cross word find that sort of anger inside themselves? She just blows up over the smallest thing. I’m starting to catch myself before I say something to her in case I upset her. This isn’t our Katie. Small windows of hope aren’t enough. What if she never gets better and stays angry with the world?’
Rose looked defeated as she wrapped her pale white hands around the t-cloth she was holding. Jack hated seeing his wife so upset.
‘I think those small moments are important and it will be more of them that will start to bring her back to us. But I understand your concern. I’m concerned too.’
He made his way over to her.
‘What if I get those numbers from John, leave them here for her, maybe she won’t do anything now, but who knows down the road. At least the numbers would be to hand. John has told me any time I want them to give him a call. They have a full list of services that she can use. Would that be okay love?’
‘Thank you darling, I think that’s a grand idea. It would be wonderful if Kate got herself sorted and got rid of that anger. I know it’s still early days but it’s not too late for Kate to find somebody to love and she’s still got a few years to have another baby. She……’
‘…Jesus Rose, slow down. That’s not something Kate could even contemplate happening at this stage. I know you mean well but don’t so much as utter a word like that to her, because then she will get angry.’
‘I was just saying’ Rose looked indignantly at Jack ‘Look at your friend Jeremy, he’s gone and found himself a new fancy lady and he’s 63.’
‘Rose love, Jeremy is grieving his son, it’s a phase I’m sure. And he’s a friend of us all by the way. Let’s face it, Marge was never the easiest woman to live with at the best of times. Although I think he’s wrong I’m certainly not surprised.’
Jack looked pointedly at Rose noting her worried expression. He knew he needed to set her mind at ease.
‘And for the record, nothing like that has even crossed my mind. You….’He leaned in closer to her and lightly touched her nose with his finger tip ‘Rose Breda Mary Black….’ he smiled cheekily at her, ‘….would never get so lucky as to be rid of me that easy!’
Rose smiled back at him and leaned in to meet his lips.
‘I realize that my love and that suits me just fine!’ kissing, Jack and Rose embraced.
Kate watched her parents through the kitchen window.
‘I really wish you were here Dan,’ she said to the wind and burying her head in her hands she sat on a tree stump and wept.
‘How simple life had been then,’ she thought nostalgically.
Today was Alex’s birthday and Kate had woken as she always did with a little hope in her heart that what she felt was all because of a bad dream. When she had woken this morning the hope faded a little quicker as the face of her smiling son looked at her from the photo beside her bed.
‘Happy birthday.’ She had bearly gotten the words out when she had to grab the downy pillow and hug it close to her for comfort letting fresh tears fall into its softness.
‘Oh Alex baby, I miss you. I wish you were here. You got such a kick out of your birthday parties. I have a secret for you. I bought you the birthday present you wanted. It’s in your room all wrapped up along with your Christmas presents. It will come with me whenever I go to meet you both.’ Kate knew it was crazy to buy presents for a child that was no longer here but when she was buying it she had felt just for a few moments that life was back to normal and when she wrapped it she got to imagine Alex’s excited face as he opened it.
‘He really was a great kid.’ She thought to herself. He loved getting presents and he was such a joy to give them to because his reactions made you feel on top of the world. Kate let the tears subside before she dragged herself from the bed and got ready to face the day. She was cooking all of Alexs' favourite food for her parents and Dans.
Kate’s dad greeted her when she came downstairs that morning with a hug and a knowing kiss on the cheek.
‘He would have been nine today Dad. I still can’t quite believe he won’t come thundering through that door after searching the house in vain for his present.’
‘Ye I know love. Your mum and I were saying the very same thing earlier this morning. Now listen she has had to go over to Jeremy and Marge’s house.’
‘Why, I thought they were coming here for dinner?’
‘Jeremy left Marge this morning.’ Jack’s words felt like a slap on the face to Kate. Everything was falling apart.
Her Dad continued.
‘Now, I think it may be just a phase. You know how hard this has hit everyone. Jeremy seems to have taken it as a cue to live his final years searching for a happiness that seems to be alluding him. I’m not sure if he’s searching for it in the right places, but it’s up to him to figure that out.’
‘What about poor Marge? She must be devastated.’
‘Yes she was quite distraught on the phone this morning. So you’re mum high tailed it over there. She said she would make it back as soon as she could to help with dinner. She just wasn’t sure what state she would find Marge in.’
‘Absolutley, sure we’ll be fine. Between the two of us we can have that covered. But she should bring Marge back with her. She shouldn’t be on her own. Especially not today and now with Jeremy gone she will have nobody.’ Kate couldn’t stand the heartache of it all.
‘Oh Dad. I understand everyone has to do what they feel is right for them. But Jeremy’s timing couldn’t be worse if he tried. It’s Alex’s birthday for Christ’s sake. Have you talked to him since he left? Did he tell you why today of all days?’
‘He said he.., oh look it doesn’t matter what he said. It’s done. It had been brewing….’
‘…..why won’t you tell me?’
‘......well, it’s just. I don’t want you to be hurt anymore than necessary love that’s all.’
‘Me? Why would I be hurt?’
Jack sighed and reached his hand out to cover Kate’s.
‘It’s just that Jeremy said he couldn’t stand another day of crying and upset. He finds it very difficult to come here and see you so upset all the time.’ He looked affectionately at Kate where she sat next to him at the kitchen table. ‘Oh Dad. I understand that completely. Really I do. I hate all the sadness that follows me everywhere. I don’t blame Jeremy for trying to get away from it.’
Jack was surprised at Kate’s reaction but recognized it was another step in the right direction and he was very grateful for that.
‘Well, I did try to tell him that running from Marge probably wasn’t going to help him leave the hurt behind but he’s quite adamant that it will help. Who am I to argue with him? I’ve always said the woman must be a nightmare to live with. I don’t know how he’s stuck it as long as he has quite frankly.’
‘I know, but she adores him. Her whole life is centered around him and her kids and with Dan no longer around maybe things were getting too intense. Did he try talking to her? Did they go to counseling even?’
‘No love, Jeremy said he knew it was time. He’s tried enough through the years and there was no point in staying together now just so they could deal with their grief over Dan and Alex. He didn’t see any point in it. In fact I think it was losing the two boys that has made him realize how precious life is. He seems to be living by the mantra, ‘cease the day’. He keeps saying you never know when your time is up.’
‘I understand.’
Jack and Kate sat in silence each lost in their own world for a few minutes before Kate leaned over and kissed her dad on the forehead as she stood from the table.
Smiling up at her affectionately he said, ‘what was that for love?’
‘Just for being you. You’re a very wise man Dad. Jeremy is lucky to have you as a friend and I’m blessed to have you as my Dad.’
Embarrassed Jack replied.
‘I’m the blessed one love, but thanks,’ his heart soared.
‘Now I better get a start on this dinner.’ Kate started peeling the potatoes. She felt an overwhelming sense of purpose as she set about cooking Alex’s favourite dinner.
After a few minutes she turned to her Dad.
‘By the way I have some news of my own.’
‘Oh?’
Jack was still sitting at the kitchen table. Intrigued he laid the Sunday Times back down and removed his reading glasses.
‘I’m going back to work.’ The climbing frame in the garden caught her attention as she looked out the picture window. ‘I must do something about that,’ she thought.
‘That’s great news Kate. When did you decide all this? Have you spoken to them about it yet?’
‘I talked to Eugene on Friday. He was very happy and said if I was sure about it they would be delighted. I could start back part time if I wanted to.’ Kate finished peeling the potatoes as Rose entered the Kitchen and interrupted them.
‘Hi, how’s dinner coming along? What can I do?’
Rose unhooked her apron from the back of the utility room door.
‘Everything is fine Mum, why don’t you sit down and relax, read the papers. There’s a sherry with your name on it. I’m sure you need it after the morning you’ve had. Dad told me what happened.’
‘No dear I’m grand, I just had one with Marge. She insisted. I felt I should what with her and Jeremy. She really just needed someone to talk to. She’s devastated you know, can’t believe he’s actually left her. I tried to insist that she would be better off spending the day with us here but she wouldn’t here tell of it.’
‘Oh. I wish she would have Mum. It won’t do her any good sitting at home today.’
‘I know that’s exactly what I said to her, but to no avail I’m afraid. She was quite adamant.’
Jack interrupted their chatter saying pointedly.
‘Rose, Kate was just telling me she has decided to go back to work.’
‘Oh I’m sorry dear and here’s me harping on about other people’s problems’.
‘It’s alright you two’ Kate turned and leant against the sink. Marge is hardly ‘other people’. Why don’t you tell us over dinner what’s happening with them?’
‘Alright dear. Do tell me about work. When was all this decided? 'Well as I was telling Dad, I talked to Eugene on Friday and agreed to meet him tomorrow for a coffee and a chat. He suggested I might like to come back part time, but I’ve thought about it over the weekend and to be honest I might as well be in there selling houses as home here twiddling my thumbs.’
Jack nodded his agreement.
‘Marvellous idea Katie, you won’t know yourself when you get back into things. It will be lovely for you to spend more time with your friends there too. I’m sure Rachel misses you in work.’
‘Ye I guess so dad. I know I should be grateful that they have kept my job open for me. Apparently they haven’t been able to get a relief manager to cover. Everyone has had to work a little harder than they should. I can’t help feeling that some people might be resentful because of that. You know a few of the guys in work never even called when I came home?’ Kate sat down at the kitchen table.
Rose had taken over preparing the dinner oblivious to Kate’s insistence that she sit and relax. She was busy boiling potatoes, julienning carrots and stuffing the roast chicken as Kate talked.
‘Katie, you know why that is. Some people just have no idea how to react when a tragedy like this happens.’
‘But that doesn’t make it hurt any less Dad. I didn’t know how to deal with tragedies like this either, but I had to. They could have at least called and said ‘I’m sorry’. They could have turned up at the memorial service even, Rachel told everyone about it. They all knew Dan and Alex. I’ve worked there since I left school. They were all at our wedding for Christ sake. It’s like they’re saying they never even existed’ Kate was getting visibly upset.
‘Okay love, just calm down. I understand, really I do. Sure look at poor Jeremy and Marge and what’s happened to them. And your Mum and I have had friends who we’ve known for years cross the road instead of talk to us in the town.’
The anger subsided for a moment and Kate looked at her Dad shocked.
‘I didn’t know that Dad, you never told me.’ A tear formed in the corner of her eye and Jack watched it slide down her cheek.’
‘Katie, that’s life now. Your Mum and I have dealt with it. We accept that everyone deals with it in their own way. Plus, now we know our true friends. With that knowledge comes a much deeper appreciation of them and a new level of friendship. So don’t be sad for us love please.’
Silently Rose made her way to Kate and held her close, rubbing her hand over her fine blond hair and down her back.
‘It just doesn’t seem right. We didn’t do anything wrong damn it.’
Kate felt the anger explode and she pulled away from Rose’ embrace.
‘Did they ever think how we must be feeling. We are the ones who lost them. Jesus how selfish can you be?’
‘Hey, hey relax now’ Jack admonished her. ‘There’s no benefit in getting angry at this stage. What’s the point?’
‘The point is …’ Kate started exasperated ‘…oh damn it Dad I don’t have any idea what the goddamn point is anymore I really don’t. I thought I had started to figure it out. Put it where it should go….’
She stood placing her hands on the kitchen table.
‘….I know it’s useless getting angry but I can’t help it sometimes. Ahh, it’s just so infuriating. I want to shake those people and scream at them. They have no idea what we’ve been through. No bloody idea at all.’
Kate stormed out into the garden. The slamming door made Rose jump. She shook her head dejectedly as the silence reverberated through the room. She spoke quietly.
‘She has to do something about that anger Jack. Please try and talk to her, she listens to you.’
‘I’ve tried love. She was in good form this morning. I thought we were seeing some progress. It’s like a switch inside her. One minute she seems to be doing fine and the next, bang. But she still adamantly refuses to see a bereavement counselor. And until she makes her own mind up we can’t make her go. She feels she’s doing very well considering everything that’s happened and she’s dealing with it in her own way.’
He looked across at his wife holding his glasses poised to be put back on.
‘To be honest love, I have to agree with her. She is doing very well and the anger is understandable, maybe it will dissipate over time. It has still only been five months. And we are seeing more flashes of hope more recently.’
‘I don’t know Jack, she was never angry like this. Even as a child, it just wasn’t in her. How can someone who wasn’t capable of a cross word find that sort of anger inside themselves? She just blows up over the smallest thing. I’m starting to catch myself before I say something to her in case I upset her. This isn’t our Katie. Small windows of hope aren’t enough. What if she never gets better and stays angry with the world?’
Rose looked defeated as she wrapped her pale white hands around the t-cloth she was holding. Jack hated seeing his wife so upset.
‘I think those small moments are important and it will be more of them that will start to bring her back to us. But I understand your concern. I’m concerned too.’
He made his way over to her.
‘What if I get those numbers from John, leave them here for her, maybe she won’t do anything now, but who knows down the road. At least the numbers would be to hand. John has told me any time I want them to give him a call. They have a full list of services that she can use. Would that be okay love?’
‘Thank you darling, I think that’s a grand idea. It would be wonderful if Kate got herself sorted and got rid of that anger. I know it’s still early days but it’s not too late for Kate to find somebody to love and she’s still got a few years to have another baby. She……’
‘…Jesus Rose, slow down. That’s not something Kate could even contemplate happening at this stage. I know you mean well but don’t so much as utter a word like that to her, because then she will get angry.’
‘I was just saying’ Rose looked indignantly at Jack ‘Look at your friend Jeremy, he’s gone and found himself a new fancy lady and he’s 63.’
‘Rose love, Jeremy is grieving his son, it’s a phase I’m sure. And he’s a friend of us all by the way. Let’s face it, Marge was never the easiest woman to live with at the best of times. Although I think he’s wrong I’m certainly not surprised.’
Jack looked pointedly at Rose noting her worried expression. He knew he needed to set her mind at ease.
‘And for the record, nothing like that has even crossed my mind. You….’He leaned in closer to her and lightly touched her nose with his finger tip ‘Rose Breda Mary Black….’ he smiled cheekily at her, ‘….would never get so lucky as to be rid of me that easy!’
Rose smiled back at him and leaned in to meet his lips.
‘I realize that my love and that suits me just fine!’ kissing, Jack and Rose embraced.
Kate watched her parents through the kitchen window.
‘I really wish you were here Dan,’ she said to the wind and burying her head in her hands she sat on a tree stump and wept.
***
After Rose had left, Marge wandered aimlessly around her home. She remembered the oven was on baking the apple tarts she was going to bring to Kate’s for the birthday dinner they were having in memory of Alex. She wasn’t going to go to that with Jeremy now. Now that he had walked out on her. She repeated the words in her head that he had spoken that morning trying to make sense of them.
‘I’ve met somebody else, I’m sorry Marge. I’m leaving you.’
That was it, no discussion, no I understand this may shatter you. No reference to the past forty eight years of their lives. No reference to how hard losing Dan had been and maybe this was a phase.
Nothing.
Marge felt the nothingness envelope her. She sat down at her kitchen table and wept.
‘Dan I wish you were here. I know your father wouldn’t have turned on me like this if you were still here. You would have talked sense into him. You would have been able to make him see the error of his ways. I’d forgive him an indiscretion, you know I would. Oh, my darling danny boy how I miss you.’
‘I’ve met somebody else, I’m sorry Marge. I’m leaving you.’
That was it, no discussion, no I understand this may shatter you. No reference to the past forty eight years of their lives. No reference to how hard losing Dan had been and maybe this was a phase.
Nothing.
Marge felt the nothingness envelope her. She sat down at her kitchen table and wept.
‘Dan I wish you were here. I know your father wouldn’t have turned on me like this if you were still here. You would have talked sense into him. You would have been able to make him see the error of his ways. I’d forgive him an indiscretion, you know I would. Oh, my darling danny boy how I miss you.’
Rose had come then, she hadn't known who else to call. After Rose left Marge sat for a long time in her airy kitchen. She twirled the sherrry glass between her fingers reliving the events of the past few hours.
She heard the key turn in the lock and realized Jeremy was standing in the hallway calling her name.
'Had he changed his mind? Had he come to his senses?’ she thought excitedly, wiping the tears from her face and pressing her skirt down with her hands as she stood to go to him.
‘In here Jeremy, oh I’m so glad you’ve changed you’re mind…’
Marge noticed the case at his feet. Startled she said,
‘….what’s that for?’.
‘I’ve come to collect some of my things’ he paused and looked at her.
‘We do have suitcases here Jeremy, that’s not even ours.’
‘I know. I borrowed it from a friend,’ he said as he lifted it and moved towards the stairs.
‘Is that it?’ Marge enquired. ‘Is that all you have to say? She was indignant now. ‘How dare he’ she thought. When he ignored her and kept walking up the stairs she felt the frustration and anger bubble inside her. She tried again to get through to him
‘Jeremy please look at me, I am talking to you.’
Without another word he continued up the stairs and she heard their bedroom door slam. Startled Marge walked into their good lounge and paced the long room listening to the footsteps above her as Jeremy packed their life into his borrowed suitcase. She heard him finish in their bedroom and make his way back towards the stairs. She stood ramrod straight in the door frame of their lounge as he struggled down the stairs with his case.
‘Please talk to me Jeremy. You can’t possibly think that it is good manners to ignore me completely and what’s happening to our marriage.’
‘Bloody hell Marge, good manners? I’m a grown man not a twelve year old boy. It’s a little more than good manners we have to deal with here. I just came to collect some things. I’m not ready to talk you. This is because for once in my life I bloody well did what I wanted for a change and you can’t stand that!’ he spat venomously.
‘Don’t you speak to me like that, who do you think you are? I’m your wife not your flusie!’
Jeremy smarted,
‘Well that’s a start I suppose, you’ve never even said that word before. That can only be good.’
‘Jeremy Maguire you are a mean man. I never thought I’d hear myself say that. But you are mean, mean, mean. Dan would never have allowed you to speak to me like that.’ Marge collapsed onto the chintz armchair, her head bowed and the sadness over-coming her.
‘I miss my son.’
Jeremy hesitated, and hung his head in defeat,
‘I miss him too you know,’ he said from his spot near the lounge door.
He noticed Marge had started to cry.
‘Don’t, please don’t, he emplored. 'I can’t deal with any more tears. There’s too much sadness Marge. I can’t even look at you without seeing him. And then I visit Kate and all I can think is how quite the house is. I don’t remember a time when that house wasn’t filled with laughter and fun.’
He shook his head and made for the door.
‘Please Jeremy don’t go, stay here with me. You’re all I have left. I can’t do this on my own. They were our flesh and blood we need each other to get through this’ she implored.
‘No Marge your wrong, I don’t need you. I’m sorry but I haven’t needed you for a long time I just hadn’t realized it. But now I have and for whatever time I have left I’m going to live my life the way I want to, not how you want me too. I have to go’ Straightening his back, Jeremy walked into the hall.
Marge made a run for him from her chair in the corner. She reached the front door as he was closing it behind him. She swung it open and shouted after him.
‘Jeremy, please,’ she begged, ‘don’t do this to us. You’re all I have, please my love.’
Too late she noticed the shadow in the car. The flusie. He had brought the other woman to her house. The indignation rose in her and she screamed. Curtains started to twitch. She didn’t care. She dragged herself inside as his car sped away.
She heard the key turn in the lock and realized Jeremy was standing in the hallway calling her name.
'Had he changed his mind? Had he come to his senses?’ she thought excitedly, wiping the tears from her face and pressing her skirt down with her hands as she stood to go to him.
‘In here Jeremy, oh I’m so glad you’ve changed you’re mind…’
Marge noticed the case at his feet. Startled she said,
‘….what’s that for?’.
‘I’ve come to collect some of my things’ he paused and looked at her.
‘We do have suitcases here Jeremy, that’s not even ours.’
‘I know. I borrowed it from a friend,’ he said as he lifted it and moved towards the stairs.
‘Is that it?’ Marge enquired. ‘Is that all you have to say? She was indignant now. ‘How dare he’ she thought. When he ignored her and kept walking up the stairs she felt the frustration and anger bubble inside her. She tried again to get through to him
‘Jeremy please look at me, I am talking to you.’
Without another word he continued up the stairs and she heard their bedroom door slam. Startled Marge walked into their good lounge and paced the long room listening to the footsteps above her as Jeremy packed their life into his borrowed suitcase. She heard him finish in their bedroom and make his way back towards the stairs. She stood ramrod straight in the door frame of their lounge as he struggled down the stairs with his case.
‘Please talk to me Jeremy. You can’t possibly think that it is good manners to ignore me completely and what’s happening to our marriage.’
‘Bloody hell Marge, good manners? I’m a grown man not a twelve year old boy. It’s a little more than good manners we have to deal with here. I just came to collect some things. I’m not ready to talk you. This is because for once in my life I bloody well did what I wanted for a change and you can’t stand that!’ he spat venomously.
‘Don’t you speak to me like that, who do you think you are? I’m your wife not your flusie!’
Jeremy smarted,
‘Well that’s a start I suppose, you’ve never even said that word before. That can only be good.’
‘Jeremy Maguire you are a mean man. I never thought I’d hear myself say that. But you are mean, mean, mean. Dan would never have allowed you to speak to me like that.’ Marge collapsed onto the chintz armchair, her head bowed and the sadness over-coming her.
‘I miss my son.’
Jeremy hesitated, and hung his head in defeat,
‘I miss him too you know,’ he said from his spot near the lounge door.
He noticed Marge had started to cry.
‘Don’t, please don’t, he emplored. 'I can’t deal with any more tears. There’s too much sadness Marge. I can’t even look at you without seeing him. And then I visit Kate and all I can think is how quite the house is. I don’t remember a time when that house wasn’t filled with laughter and fun.’
He shook his head and made for the door.
‘Please Jeremy don’t go, stay here with me. You’re all I have left. I can’t do this on my own. They were our flesh and blood we need each other to get through this’ she implored.
‘No Marge your wrong, I don’t need you. I’m sorry but I haven’t needed you for a long time I just hadn’t realized it. But now I have and for whatever time I have left I’m going to live my life the way I want to, not how you want me too. I have to go’ Straightening his back, Jeremy walked into the hall.
Marge made a run for him from her chair in the corner. She reached the front door as he was closing it behind him. She swung it open and shouted after him.
‘Jeremy, please,’ she begged, ‘don’t do this to us. You’re all I have, please my love.’
Too late she noticed the shadow in the car. The flusie. He had brought the other woman to her house. The indignation rose in her and she screamed. Curtains started to twitch. She didn’t care. She dragged herself inside as his car sped away.
***
The dinner was finishing cooking in Hedgeworth Road. Kate had come back inside after her tears were spent and without a word her Dad hugged her close, poured her a glass of wine and they sat in companionable silence reading the Sunday papers while they waited for dinner. The phone rang. Rose recognized Marges number on the panel.
‘Is everything alright?’ Rose said instantly as she picked it up.
‘You won’t believe what he has just done.’ Marge was livid.
‘Tell me?’
‘He came back,practically ignored me and packed a suitcase. Worst of all, and you are not going to believe this when I tell you,' Marge paused and took a deep breath before continuing, 'he brought her with him! I’m telling you Rose I was mortified. How could he? He brought her to our home,’ Marge practically spat the words into the phone. ‘The same home where we spent our entire married life. You know this had been my parents home’ she said indignantly.
‘I didn’t know that Marge’ Rose was looking at her watch, anxious that the roast chicken didn’t get over cooked. She hated when it dried out too much, not that her roast chicken ever had. But there was always a first.
‘So naturally I rang his mobile thingy and left a message on it.’
‘Naturally.’
‘I mean that was the last straw, the neighbour’s would have seen her. What must they think I ask you?’
‘I think you need to give him space now Marge, you know Jack and I were talking and he thinks Jeremy will realize soon enough what a huge mistake he’s made.’
‘Really?’ Marge excitedly held the phone closer to her ear.
‘Yes, but you have to let him make that decision for himself.’
‘Of course, of course. What else did Jack say? Has he been talking to Jeremy?’
‘Well he didn’t tell me what they discussed, he never would in so many words. But I get the impression Jack thinks this is just a knee jerk reaction to Dan and Alex and where we all find ourselves and it will all work itself out.’
Rose thought about the roast chicken again.
‘Marge, I’m sorry dear but I really will have to go. I’m helping Kate cook the dinner here and I need to prepare for serving.
‘Oh, right, of course. I'm sorry for keeping you. Give Kate my love and tell her I’m sorry I couldn’t make it today. I really wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I hope she understands?’
‘I Will do. I’ll see you for bridge on Tuesday and we can talk more then. In the meantime, look after yourself and you know where I am if you need to talk.’
‘Thank you Rose. See you Tuesday.’
‘Is everything alright?’ Rose said instantly as she picked it up.
‘You won’t believe what he has just done.’ Marge was livid.
‘Tell me?’
‘He came back,practically ignored me and packed a suitcase. Worst of all, and you are not going to believe this when I tell you,' Marge paused and took a deep breath before continuing, 'he brought her with him! I’m telling you Rose I was mortified. How could he? He brought her to our home,’ Marge practically spat the words into the phone. ‘The same home where we spent our entire married life. You know this had been my parents home’ she said indignantly.
‘I didn’t know that Marge’ Rose was looking at her watch, anxious that the roast chicken didn’t get over cooked. She hated when it dried out too much, not that her roast chicken ever had. But there was always a first.
‘So naturally I rang his mobile thingy and left a message on it.’
‘Naturally.’
‘I mean that was the last straw, the neighbour’s would have seen her. What must they think I ask you?’
‘I think you need to give him space now Marge, you know Jack and I were talking and he thinks Jeremy will realize soon enough what a huge mistake he’s made.’
‘Really?’ Marge excitedly held the phone closer to her ear.
‘Yes, but you have to let him make that decision for himself.’
‘Of course, of course. What else did Jack say? Has he been talking to Jeremy?’
‘Well he didn’t tell me what they discussed, he never would in so many words. But I get the impression Jack thinks this is just a knee jerk reaction to Dan and Alex and where we all find ourselves and it will all work itself out.’
Rose thought about the roast chicken again.
‘Marge, I’m sorry dear but I really will have to go. I’m helping Kate cook the dinner here and I need to prepare for serving.
‘Oh, right, of course. I'm sorry for keeping you. Give Kate my love and tell her I’m sorry I couldn’t make it today. I really wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I hope she understands?’
‘I Will do. I’ll see you for bridge on Tuesday and we can talk more then. In the meantime, look after yourself and you know where I am if you need to talk.’
‘Thank you Rose. See you Tuesday.’
***
‘You’re too good to that woman,’ Jack had started to clip the potted plants in the kitchen at the double sink.
‘She needs me Jack, she really has nobody else.’
‘I wonder why that is?’ mumbled Jack.
‘Don’t be like that dear. She doesn’t realize how abrupt she is. Her heart is in the right place, she just finds it difficult to have empathy with people and some find her cold because of it.’
‘Exactly’ Jack stated ‘She’s harsh and abrupt and there is no warmth about her at all.’
‘Oh come along dear she’s not really that bad. And think of it like this she raised Dan and he was an affectionate, loving boy. It wasn’t all from Jeremy.’
‘Well you have a point. She’s such hard work though, I just sometimes think you have enough going on. I worry about you dear.’
Rose faced Jack.
‘That’s sweet love but you really don’t have to. I don’t find it hard work and I feel useful. So if by being friends with Marge helps her in some small way then I am happy to do it.’
‘You’re a good woman Rose’ Jack smiled at her.
‘I know’ She smiled back as she opened the oven to remove the roast chicken just as Claire, Desmond and the kids arrived.
‘She needs me Jack, she really has nobody else.’
‘I wonder why that is?’ mumbled Jack.
‘Don’t be like that dear. She doesn’t realize how abrupt she is. Her heart is in the right place, she just finds it difficult to have empathy with people and some find her cold because of it.’
‘Exactly’ Jack stated ‘She’s harsh and abrupt and there is no warmth about her at all.’
‘Oh come along dear she’s not really that bad. And think of it like this she raised Dan and he was an affectionate, loving boy. It wasn’t all from Jeremy.’
‘Well you have a point. She’s such hard work though, I just sometimes think you have enough going on. I worry about you dear.’
Rose faced Jack.
‘That’s sweet love but you really don’t have to. I don’t find it hard work and I feel useful. So if by being friends with Marge helps her in some small way then I am happy to do it.’
‘You’re a good woman Rose’ Jack smiled at her.
‘I know’ She smiled back as she opened the oven to remove the roast chicken just as Claire, Desmond and the kids arrived.
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